Poopology

Some people believe that dieting is rather simple once you strip down all the hype. At some point it can be viewed as a simple equation of energy in (food and drink) - amount of fuel used - waste = net change of weight. A lot of research has gone into how to how to figure out how to measure energy in (points, calories, etc) and there are professions many have dedicated themselves to in this "in" field. Some are even "registered" or "licensed."

There are also a myriad of ways to gage and increase fuel consumption. I believe that everyone is different in this area so it is difficult to measure or quantify. You get some just by living. You can get some by blending the foods the right way. You have the opportunity to get some with exercise and physical training. Unfortunately a byproduct of training is that you get more efficient (burning less fuel with the same amount of effort) so this needs to be constantly changing.

That's leaves the analysis of waste to those who want (or need) to know it all, the science of poopology. I'm not an expert nor professional in this field (purely amateur) but I'm sure there are poopologists somewhere that have studied both the scientific and philosophical poopological questions related to weight loss. Perhaps some have even attained advanced degrees by advancing the state of the "art" but I don't know the state of the art let alone the advances of same. Could some institute of higher learning offer a Doctor of Poopology? Imagine being a true poop genius and able to answer, in the context of weight, which weighs more or has more of an impact on body composition in the following list :

• Lighter poop or darker poop?


• Pungent vs. perhaps sweet smelling (yes, it exists!)?


• Floaters or sinkers?


• Rabbit pellets or Lincoln logs?


• Visible undigested stuff (the common corn kernel, some variations of onions or legumes, string, coins, etc) or the surrounding poop?

But there is also a mental or philosophical bent to the science.

• What does it say when you can see when poop is shaped like something sort of like clouds? Note I'm sure this was genesis of the Rorschach test (no, that isn't Arnold Rorschach for you casual "Welcome Back, Kotter" fans - that was Arnold Horshack)


• Does less volume mean more consumption?


• Chemistry (or was it physics?) taught us that gas also has weight.


• The "D-word" dilemma.

Unfortunately, the nadir of most person's poopologic expertise is when they were a 2 year old screaming at the top of their lungs,"POOPIES," proud of themselves and willing to stare at the bowl forever. I'm not saying that poopology should get more press, government funding and focus than some of the other ills of society (insert your favorite here) but since it is a large part of everyone's life.......

Think about it some time. You know you will. And I can guess where.