Thursday, March 18, 2010

Poopology

Some people believe that dieting is rather simple once you strip down all the hype. At some point it can be viewed as a simple equation of energy in (food and drink) - amount of fuel used - waste = net change of weight. A lot of research has gone into how to how to figure out how to measure energy in (points, calories, etc) and there are professions many have dedicated themselves to in this "in" field. Some are even "registered" or "licensed."

There are also a myriad of ways to gage and increase fuel consumption. I believe that everyone is different in this area so it is difficult to measure or quantify. You get some just by living. You can get some by blending the foods the right way. You have the opportunity to get some with exercise and physical training. Unfortunately a byproduct of training is that you get more efficient (burning less fuel with the same amount of effort) so this needs to be constantly changing.

That's leaves the analysis of waste to those who want (or need) to know it all, the science of poopology. I'm not an expert nor professional in this field (purely amateur) but I'm sure there are poopologists somewhere that have studied both the scientific and philosophical poopological questions related to weight loss. Perhaps some have even attained advanced degrees by advancing the state of the "art" but I don't know the state of the art let alone the advances of same. Could some institute of higher learning offer a Doctor of Poopology? Imagine being a true poop genius and able to answer, in the context of weight, which weighs more or has more of an impact on body composition in the following list :

  • Lighter poop or darker poop?

  • Pungent vs. perhaps sweet smelling (yes, it exists!)?

  • Floaters or sinkers?

  • Rabbit pellets or Lincoln logs?

  • Visible undigested stuff (the common corn kernel, some variations of onions or legumes, string, coins, etc) or the surrounding poop?

But there is also a mental or philosophical bent to the science.

  • What does it say when you can see when poop is shaped like something sort of like clouds? Note I'm sure this was genesis of the Rorschach test (no, that isn't Arnold Rorschach for you casual "Welcome Back, Kotter" fans - that was Arnold Horshack)

  • Does less volume mean more consumption?

  • Chemistry (or was it physics?) taught us that gas also has weight.

  • The "D-word" dilemma.


Unfortunately, the nadir of most person's poopologic expertise is when they were a 2 year old screaming at the top of their lungs,"POOPIES," proud of themselves and willing to stare at the bowl forever. I'm not saying that poopology should get more press, government funding and focus than some of the other ills of society (insert your favorite here) but since it is a large part of everyone's life.......

Think about it some time. You know you will. And I can guess where.

11 comments:

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Nothing like a morning cup and reading about poop at 7am

KC (my 140 point 6 mile journey) said...

hmmm? never really gave it much thought. who knew it was so intricate?

Jeff - DangleTheCarrot said...

hahahah

Jamoosh said...

Poopology does need a government grant to ensure that poopologists can continue their craft.

Big Clyde said...

Shakespeare wrote
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet"

Roses smell sweet, but I don't think that anyone's poop smells sweet...just nasty.

Jess said...

hahah this had me cracking up

teacherwoman said...

Poop. very interesting. I think they talked about all this on Oprah once. lol

Al's CL Reviews said...

D and I text about the dogs' poop all he time. but not our own.

Julie said...

I am a lady and can't talk about poop:) Very funny!

Mark said...

Okay, everyone poops. Nothing to be ashamed of. I for one have been known to get philosophical about ham sandwiches, so poop is no stretch for me. I will say this regrading poop: as the volume of my workouts increase, so do does my metabolism, and in turn... the pooping. I don't know where I am going with this, other than... train hard, poop... oh, just forget it!

Missy said...

I lose at least 2lbs each morning. How come I'm not 100lbs!?!?!?!