What are you?

I was in the bookstore (rare, but they still exist) this morning and I overheard the clerk ask a customer, "are you an artist?" I wondered how I would answer that question if it was posed to me.

On one hand, I ceilinged out in the visual arts at either finger painting or perhaps paint by numbers. But considering yourself an artist goes beyond an ability to color inside the lines. I think this question is a flavor of not what you do but what you are. It is an interesting question to ask of yourself. If I don't consider myself an artist, what would I then consider myself as? My first thought is that it shouldn't be that hard to answer but it is. I haven't gotten to a conclusion yet.

But back to the customer and the clerk's question. The customer answered the question, "of course." I think that is perfectly artistic.

Trigger for Motivation

Last Sunday was the NYC Marathon and I watched most of it on television.While I've signed up a few times, I never raced a marathon (I don't count the walk that I did at the end of my ironman two years ago as a marathon). Based on last year's marathon being cancelled due to Sandy and my having been registered for it, I do have the option to get in to the 2014 version.

On Monday I flew to Dallas for business. The plane was full of marathoners heading home. Many were wearing finishers clothing with more than a few wearing their medals. The restaurants at the Newark Airport were even offering 25% off for marathoners with their medal. I saw people limping, challenged by getting out of chairs, looking at stairs as an impossible challenge, and sharing their stories. Mostly, I saw they were proud of what they did.

I was, in contrast, sad. I saw a brotherhood that I used to belong to. I was carrying an Ironman branded bag as a carry-on and felt like a poser or perhaps an intruder into their celebration. It now has been two years since I've raced a triathlon. I remembered flying back from Panama City not being able to walk, wearing my finisher jacket, constantly touching the medal around my neck, and being proud.

What does this all mean? I thought about signing up for IMFL2014 while watching the marathon but decided against it. It wasn't a priority. I do have the option for NYCM26.2 so I will need to make that decision in a few months. I want to be in a position where that will be a priority when that decision needs to be made.

Now that I haven't done any real racing in a while what I did do in the past has become more important to me. Does that make any sense? It wouldn't have to me a while ago but it does now. I need to get from the reverence stage to the hungry for more stage. I think that is mostly mental.

Hoping this plane ride and the feeling I had will lead me to the right motivation.

Graduations and racing

I finally decided that IMAZ in 2014 was a fantasy for me completely due to my lack of focus and training so I decided to ask for the token $150 refund. About the same time I started thinking about registering for the inaugural Challenge Family Atlantic City Full since it looks like a great race for me.

My mind went into hyperdrive. I'm in such bad shape now that doing a full next June would be a reach. A better choice would to do a HIM instead or an Oly to get back into the race game. I looked at the date and saw that Rev3Quassy (a course I hate anyway) was probably a little late for a shake out half but found that Bassman the first week or so in May could work nice. I could do the Memorial Day Fireman Ironman camp at Placid, mix in a little NY Fondo (a ride I hate too), a Montauk Century training ride, and everything was coming together. I even started looking at the race fees but then realized something.

The date of the Challenge Family 2014 Atlantic City race is the same date as my daughter's high school graduation.

Now, I am not a fan of graduations. I didn't like when I graduated years ago and my mother made me go by threatening to kick me out of the house if I didn't participate. There was no chance of me going to my MBA graduation. If I decide to go back to school now, I wouldn't dream of going to a graduation ceremony. I think kids now celebrate many minuscule milestones unnecessarily but finishing HS is a real accomplishment and worthy of recognition. It would be hard to sneak out and race this race during intermission or something so the 2014 version was out. Luckily I realized this before sending in all the money.

My  younger daughter will graduate in 2016 so that year would probably be out too. But 2015 is looking good. It gives me a chance to get in shape in 2014 and go for it in 2015.

I told my wife the plan and she said that could work. She did say it would be a good idea to actually race a race that I've registered for. That means training and everything, not just sending in the money.

Time to give that plan a chance. What a novel idea.

Purposeful cycling

As I am transitioning from slug to an out-of-shape athlete wannabe, I'm actually doing a lot of the workouts prescribed by my coach (all will come soon). One of the workouts that I did do last weekend involved bike intervals outside intervals on a flat course. It called for a set of 5x5 minute harder sessions interspersed with other sections that I viewed as just cruising as recovery. I thought I nailed the power targets during the harder bits but got an email after I posted my workout from my coach which said:

"Are you pedaling then briefly coasting frequently or is your power dropping to zero a problem with your power meter?" 

Busted. I answered truthfully that I was pedaling then coasting as I watched the scenery go by. His response was:

"More pedaling and less coasting next time please :)"

This made me think about what I was actually doing and why. There is riding and there is training - they are not necessarily the same thing. I was riding when I should have been training. I did this ride on a 4 mile loop that I went around a bunch of times. Yes, I could have checked out the scenery during my warm up lap or in my cool down but when it was time to train I should have been riding with a purpose. I will claim the invention of the term "purposeful cycling."

This week's plan was posted and includes a similar workout, extended a little longer with the comment "try not to coast." I am sure my mindset will be dialed in to purposeful cycling mode. I'm sure that'll make him happy and soon will become the norm. 

Just like it was before.

Things I remembered I missed while riding my bike.

This morning I was delaying going on my ride, inventing fake reasons why I would do it later. Yesterday I did the same thing but I delayed it to the point where I never did it at all. I didn't want that to happen again so I decided to just get on my bike and ride around the neighborhood for a while. I didn't want to get too far away from my house as one of the reasons that I was inventing ("it was going to rain") was actually based in fact.

During this ride I realized there were a whole bunch of things that I missed while riding. Thought I'd jot a few down and read this when I find myself procrastinating yet again.

Good things:

• Fresh asphalt.
• Cue markings for bike rides that were done before.
• Passing one of those portable speed sensors that say speed limit/your speed and it shows you are going faster than you think.
• The head nod given and received for/by riders going in the opposite direction.
• Riding a road that you never had ridden before.
• Climbing a hill as others bomb down it going the other way. 
• Having people working on their lawn say good morning as you ride by.
• The sound of a woodpecker.
• Thinking of quotes from Caddyshack as you ride past a golf course.
• Church bells.
• Not getting rained on even though the ground is wet during parts of your ride.

Bad things:

• Broken beer bottles on the side of the road. The people that put them there should be mandated to drink only crappy canned beer for life.
• Old people cutting you off with their car, oblivious to their surroundings.
• Pot holes.
• The smell of road kill.
• Riding over an acorn and having it shoot out at a speed which approaches the sound barrier.
• Dogs barking from inside a car that passes you.
• Puddles.
• Leaves and twigs while on a road bike (note this goes to the good thing category on a mountain or cross bike).

To be categorized things:

• The sting of sweat dropping into your eye.

Got any to add?

The art of not racing

Last weekend was my local tri, the Runner's Edge TOBAY (Town of Oyster Bay) sprint. I sign up for this race every year but haven't done it for various reasons for a few years. This year the various reason was that I have done close to no training except getting fat. My 17 yo daughter has had good history here. She won the all female relay division with 2 friends 2 years ago along then last year did the whole tri herself and came in 4th AG. She actually trained this year so we were going to the race site, spectating and cheering her on.

The day before the race I had a silly idea. My workout that day was supposed to be a swim. What would happen, I thought, if I swam with my wave and then call it a day? It wasn't technically banditing because I paid the registration fee. My coach thought it a good idea so I packed up my wetsuit and goggles as we left at 5:30AM.

I found it is hard to get into transition the morning of a tri (athletes only) without a bike. I quickly said that I was part of a relay and they let me in. I got my packet and got body marked. I went to where my daughter was setting up her transition and she shooed me away. Her game face was on.

Since I had a number and was body marked, I could go anywhere. I went down to the water and this was the first tri that I ever felt the buoys looked short. I looked out at the bay and realized that I wasn't ready for this swim. I decided then and there to bail.

I helped my daughter get into her wetsuit and walked down to the water with her inside the ropes. The waves were going off and I had a tinge of a second thought but realized only bad things could happen to me. In retrospect, I made the right choice.

My daughter crushed this race. She took time off her swim and bike from last year. Her Garmin said the run was long but even so she took 3rd AG! We had to wait around for hardware. I found that my body markings got me free food from the barbecue and free beer from the beer truck. This is the true art of not racing.

When we got home she was asking about signing up and doing an Oly in a few weeks. She has 2 sprints under her belt so I tried to talk her down from the tri addiction. I was successful with her but then started looking for an end of year sprint, perhaps Cedar Beach, for me to race. It might be a reach as I may not be ready but it is something to keep in mind. She won't be able to race it because XC season invitationals will be that weekend.

Maybe I could transition the art of not racing into the art of racing. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Remembering.

I was planning on riding the TOBAY Runner's Edge bike course this morning with my daughter as a preview to the race next week (although registered I'm not racing). I got up and when I loaded the bikes on the car to drive to the start I noticed that my daughter's bike (stolen from my wife) had a flat. It had a flat the last time we rode. Since she IS racing next week, I decided to put new rubber on her bike and teach her to change a flat - just in case.

I did the back wheel and she did the front. We started the ride. About a half mile in we heard the sound of one her tires going flat. PSSSSSSSST. We stopped and it was the front  (I had a quick sigh of relief that it wasn't the tire I changed). We changed it again and rode the course.

A big problem for me on today's ride was that my daughter, being 17 years old and starting her XC season next week, is generally in shape. I, in contrast, am not, not even generally. She rode it. I slogged through it walking up one of the hills. It wasn't pretty for me.

But there were a few good signs with my ride amid the mess. One, I am now following the plan of my coach. Looking at TrainingPeaks made me realize that he actually thinks I'm not a mere shell of what my fitness was in the past. He'll learn once he sees the data. The normal of the aches and pains of training, even though it has only been a couple of days, are oddly good. Two, I was in the SF Bay area for the last week or so and didn't gain any significant weight. In past trips that would be good for a 5-10 pound gain. Three, I have a baseline on how far up that damn hill I got so next time there will be a gage to measure improvement.

A noble effort.

This week I was thinking about the upcoming events that I signed up for which I have not trained for and subsequently have no realistic hope of doing well. I have 4 events that fall into this bucket: a local sprint tri near the end of August, a local half marathon near the end of September, IMAZ in November, and the Disney Half Marathon in January 2014. All except IMAZ I could slog through and finish but what would be the point? I've proven multiple times that I can slog through an event without training. It ain't pretty.

But then I thought again, specifically focusing on Disney. My daughter will be racing. Last year she just missed her goal to finish sub 2:00 and this year she wants go well under that time. I will be there no matter what. Last year when we did the same dance I walked the whole thing. I did finish. I wasn't last but was close to it. I wasn't swept. I got the medal. On one hand that can be viewed as a success. On the other hand, a failure. Then the epiphany hit me: what would it take to not consider the 2014 flavor of Disney a failure?

A noble effort.

To me a noble effort doesn't mean a specific finishing time. It doesn't mean a specific finishing place. It does mean trying to do my best given my current fitness and body composition state. It does mean training for the race. It does mean getting the scale heading down and not up or sideways. It does mean prioritizing with everything else going on.

So I called my coach and bounced this Disney idea off him. He hasn't been coaching me for a while since when I realized that I wasn't doing the workouts. He only coaches a limited number of athletes at a time to make sure he can provide the necessary individualized coaching but he said that he would make room for me given our history and prior success. He is crafting a plan that will really be a triathlete centric plan with enough of a running bias to race the half Mary. A problem is that I'm starting at close to zero in fitness.

More of an issue is my weight. This is my biggest limiter and I need to address this not for the half Mary, although losing weight will help tremendously, but for life in general. This morning I joined Weight Watchers. My weight on their scale was the highest I've ever measured. Some of it had to be that I was on vacation last week and didn't limit what I ate in any manner. More of it is that I'm just plain ole fat. Weight Watchers will be tough with my upcoming travel but I'd rather give it a shot and come close as compared to not giving it a shot and continuing on my destructive trajectory. I had a choice to go today or wait a couple of weeks when the workouts begin. I chose today.

I realize that doing this will get me in a better place than not doing this but it requires a noble effort. Talking about this or writing about this or dreaming about this means nothing without actually doing it.

So I'm doing something. Let's see how long I can keep doing it. Wish me well.

You Versus - a non racer perspective of IMLP

Last weekend I was up in Lake Placid cheering on a bunch of friends who were racing IMLP.  Everyone I know had a great day so congrats are in order. It was a great weekend and got me thinking about a lot of things. First, some back story.

I know Mel, the IMLP security volunteer captain. I think she is a saint and has been doing this thankless job for years. I had helped out in past Ironman races and the week before the race Mel and I showed up for the same group ride with TNT. Most people sign up to be ironman volunteers well in advance because they are looking for the golden ticket or fast track to register to race for the following year. In contrast, I am a pure volunteer as I have no desire to cash in that golden ticket and ever sign up for IMLP.  I have volunteered with Mel in the past so I knew what I'd be in for and I am thankful for when people volunteer in the races that I do race. I mentioned to her that my daughter wanted to come up and we might be able to help out. Mel told me the logistics and I told her I'd let her know either way.

My daughter and I left home on Thursday night as we had college tours scheduled for Friday. After work, I put the bikes on the back of the car and we drove 5 hours to get to Hanover, NH. We got there late, unpacked the car, and slept in at the local Comfort Inn. The next day after the tour, we put Lake Placid in the GPS and confirmed that the route was mostly 2 lane back roads. Off we went.

In the middle of Vermont near Killington, an engine light went on. Our car is 9 months old with just about 15k miles on it. This should not happen. The warning messages were to keep the car under 4000rpm and find a dealer ASAP. One of the challenges of being in the middle of nowhere is the lack of internet. We ultimately found an Audi dealer in Rutland, VT about 20 minutes ahead and pulled in there about 4:45PM. They said they could take a look.

The said the computer was erroring on the lane warning system. This system is designed so that when the driver starts weaving out of the lane like if sleepy, an alarm should sound. They conjectured that the bike rack was confusing it, reset the code, recommended to ignore it should it happen again but ultimately mention it to our home dealer. An hour later and no charge we were back on the road.

Of course it alarmed again about 20 minutes later. We ignored it but we couldn't ignore that we were getting hungry. Unfortunately, the little podunk towns that were were passing through had no restaurants. When a town is proud of a population of 266 the likelihood of a good place to eat, besides a campground, is slim. We surmised that the closest point of civilization was Placid itself so we short cutted over to the Tail o' the Pup for some serious barbecue.

Tail o' the Pup has been there since perhaps the beginning of civilization. It is a stop on the side of the road with good food, a band playing and picnic tables to eat on. We ordered and my daughter stepped away to go to the ladies room and I didn't realize that this removed the counterweight to me sitting on the other side of the table. When I picked up my beer and leaned back to take a sip, the table went over! I found myself on my back, the table on me, but most of the beer saved. Thankfully we didn't have our dinner served yet. They helped me up and mentioned that this happened all the time. I had road rash on my elbow from dinner! Oh, goody.

There is a new Hampton Inn in Lake Placid where I made a reservation. It was only open two weeks but they didn't require the typical 5 day minimum. It was expensive but had a great location on the run and bike course and overlooked the swim start. We were meeting some of the boys for a shake down ride at 730 so called it an early night.

We did the casual ride with them. Their nerves were sharpening so we told them ass down/feet up and headed back to our hotel. One of the iconic parts of the IMLP bike course are the 3 bears. The bears are small stinger hills near the end of the loop. My daughter wanted to ride the bears (she never had before) so we extended our ride by biking the run course and then short cutting up and over the bears. She liked that someone marked the road with "mama bear," "baby bear" and "papa bear" and  commented that the bears themselves weren't that bad and she had ridden worse hills herself. I explained the magic word of context of these coming about 108 miles in. As an endurance athlete herself, she got it.

We went to the volunteer meeting and Mel asked us to help out at Swim Security starting at 530AM. This is what I wanted as it would get us to places where the general public couldn't go (like right next to the water). We were keeping people out of the way of the races. I caught some coming down the chute but missed many too. We ran around all day. We were out at the bears, we were in town, we were at some of the hills on the run. This spectating thing is tiring. We went to the finish line and saw some of my friends finish. The last of my friends went by the 24 mile mark walking about 10:15. They were hurting but we knew that they would finish. We left to join my wife and other daughter who were at a resort about a 3 hour drive away. We got there a little after 2AM.

My coach wasn't at Placid this year but I offered to be his eyes and ears for some of his athletes. We were talking a lot (when the really poor cell phone coverage permitted it). During one of the talks he asked if this was helping inspire me to get back at it. I didn't answer then.

The weather turned cold near the end of the race so I put on my IMFL finisher jacket. Lots of people I know and train with were saying that they are scheduling racing IMLP in 2015. This course is completely the wrong race for me and luckily I know it. No signing up for 2014 for me.

What did get me thinking was that along the run course someone put up a bunch of small signs. They said things like "You vs. last year" or "You vs. Statistics" and thinks like that. One of them said "You vs. next year" and that did impact me. My mantra when I raced IMFL was "You vs. You." I kept saying that all through the end of my training. I realized that I could start with my coach but if I didn't follow his plan and advice, I would just be throwing money away and getting more frustrated.

I also realized that I am in no shape to attempt an ironman in 2014. I need to lose too much weight for that to be even possible. I'm still seeing doctors to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with me but am going to start training with the goal of getting my body composition under control (Note that Lake Placid on Iron Weekend is NOT the place to go if you have body composition concerns - everyone there that weekend does). This is all "Me vs. Me" I don't need an Ironman to validate myself - I've done that already. But I do want to put myself into a position to choose to do it or not. I don't have that choice now but do what it takes to have that choice in the futures.

Thanks for reading.

Clothing Cleanse

Most of the morning I spent going through each of my drawers and trying on all the clothes to make sure they fit. I was sorting them into 3 "groupings:" 1) stuff that fit (depressing since it was so little due to my fatness) ; 2) stuff that should go to charity; and finally 3) clothes that had a connection but do not fit anymore. The frightening point is that even though I have 4 bags of clothes designated for charity I still have plenty of clothes to wear.

I have yet attack the closet but that's on the plan. I also have the garage to attack but that has a real deadline as our garage door recently broke. The estimate to fix it is about the same to replace it. It is almost 20 years old so I think we got our money out of it. The downside is that they said we need to move all my bicycle stuff so that they can do the replacement. I think I may have more bicycle stuff than every day clothes, even after the cleanse.

This reminds me of the saying regarding spin class denizens. When you see them in real life the thought comes to mind of "I don't recognize you with your clothes on." You know what that means but it when said out loud it can mean something unintended to many.

Do you have too many clothes? How often do you cleanse?